Sick and tired of being sick and tired

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYdiAz4ddIg

Somewhere along the road I lost where I stand. Swinging back and forth between paths, between opinions, between sad and tired. Eminem woke me up yesterday. "I can endure no more, I demand you remember who you are."

When did it become so hard to be ME? Simply be the big beautiful being I know I am. Why do I lose myself again and again, and go through these periods until I emerge on the other side. How many more times am I going to struggle, continue falling, then pick myself up. I am sick of it! I want to be happy. I am tried of these peaks and valleys that plague me throughout the year.

Why can't I just remember?

I know I am better than this. And even though I recognize it, I somehow find it impossible to get out of this funk.

Sad because I am sad.

Confusion, frustration, anger, weakness, wondering where that damn light is.

I tell myself that this is all part of growing up. But it is a hell of a lot easier to say that on the other side of this fog.

Have faith in this. Have faith in the process and understanding of sadness. Have faith in letting yourself feel it without any inhibitions. Have faith that letting myself feel is the only thing that will work through it.

And yet, faith can be the hardest thing to find.