Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Mad World

Why?

Because of the moon and wild laughter. And because of candles and chocolate and sunshine. Why? Because the world spins madly, and I spin too.

"There are years that ask questions, and years that answer."--Zora Neale Hurston

Because every year I seem to be asking more and more questions. And I keep waiting for the magical year that will bring answers.

Only to look behind me and find that they have been hidden in the woodwork and the stained glass I failed to see. That every year asks questions, and every year I can look back and find answers. Perhaps I will never find answers NOW...who knows?

Because sometimes I whisper to myself, it is going to be ok. Sometimes I whisper.

There are years that my soul feels as though it has floated to the heavens. Danced a dizzying spiral and cracked through barriers, to burst into the Holy.

And then there are years like these. When I am constantly fighting to keep some spark alive. When I am constantly questioning and looking for signs. Someone tell me something, please. There are years that my soul folds itself into a neat origami crane and waits patiently for the right moment to fly.

I am folded. And unfolded. And clouded and tired
and searching.
Where are the signs this time?
What have I been blind to?

How do I find my footing in a sluggish, frustrated state?

How do I tell you, exactly what I need to say?
and would you listen?

How do I find the words that can even come close to the beautiful agony of living in a world where there are so many answers?

My nose is pressed up against the glass. My eyes are searching, glimmering, waiting. My heart is pounding. My soul is foggy. She whispers to me but I still cannot hear her against the wind in my ears.  Are there signs? Or simply a moment of revelation when we stop waiting and start doing?

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